radiohead rules!
I recently was doing some work with an organization. I worked with a guy that, in all frankness, tested my patience and endurance like no other human has ever done before. It seemed that no matter what I said, if he ever let me finish a sentence, was promptly contradicted or questioned by some fabricated and ludicrous story or reason why what I had just finished speaking was ridiculous and incomprehensible. Basically, I was repeatedly informed of how big of a dumbass I was and how he, in every way imaginable, outscored me. It was completely maddening. Despite my deep rooted desires not to fraternize with humans of this species, I really wanted to get along with this cat and cultivate some semblance of a pleasant work environment. Perhaps it is the curse of imminent maturity, but I kept hitting the reset button trying to give another chance. But it seemed outside of my ability to have any chemistry in the way of friendship.
Finally, finally, when the job was over, I took a deep breath and tried to reflect on the character test that I had just endured. After I had let the comments about how Radiohead was a terrible band and PCs were better than Macs (just kidding, but seriously), and the rest of the innumerable and more serious monstrosities that had been proclaimed to me, pass I was disturbed about why exactly I had been unable to get along. I finally realized that I felt no companionship or camaraderie because the relationship was completely one sided. I never was able to put anything in. The simple fact that I could not make myself heard and that he seemed unable to listen made the relationship worthless and detestable. It was at this point that I realized the importance of this facet in relationships: Listening. I know this sounds cliché, and completely obvious yet there is a majority of people, including myself that are miserable at this. Friendships simply cannot be fruitful or enjoyable without this.
As a person who is in a strange and trying time in life, I have come to notice the people who are good listeners and bad listeners. I have become increasingly aware of my own disinterest about the lives, problems, and concerns about the people that I say I care for the most. It’s not that I don’t want to care, but my blinders have been firmly attached. The selfishness that has infiltrated my deepest character seems like a lasso that steers my tongue in the direction of “I”. Listening is a hint of the deepest love that friends can have for one another. To have a friend that can listen and not talk and genuinely care is refreshing. But it seems like everyone is hurting and everyone wants to talk about how they are hurting.
Abstractly, the reality of love seems to have come into question. The imperfection of our ability to love has been harshly thrown into the light. Can friends really care about one another even when both parties are hurting? With the dismal statistics in marriage, one wonders if these inabilities have not extended past friendship. As Juno entreats, “I just need to know that two people can stay happy together forever.”
I recently mentioned to a close friend that I had been thinking about the possibility of becoming a counselor of some sort in the future. The friend chuckled a little and, upon questioning, replied that she just couldn’t see me doing that. Although I may have taken it differently than intended it scored deeply, making me feel as if I lacked the compassion or ability to care about people in that way. Friends have often joked with me that I am harsh and hardhearted. I have been called a Grinch and other such. All this is funny sometimes, but when it is all said and done, I don’t want people to remember me because of my attributes that come across as blunt. I want people to remember me as a compassionate and loving person willing to give of himself to people in need of love. Gracious whether deserving of grace or not. I want my friends to believe that they can shell off their problems and vent steam without risk that I will further weigh them with my own burdens. It probably sounds sappy, but we all want this. In a world with not too much worth living for, I believe in love as one of those things.
